your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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