I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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