Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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