Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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