So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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