My pussy is not your playground.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
