We're like a lot better than the average bears
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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