she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
