Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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