I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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