I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize