I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
you never un-have a 4some
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
