Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
