Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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