Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I did not marry a roomba.
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