My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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