I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
40s are totally the cure
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I have aggressive nipples.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
