I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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