this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We're too hungover to prance.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
