I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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