this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
