i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
