You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
50% drunk capacity currently
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
