Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
