but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize