I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
So squirting runs in the family.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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