There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
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he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
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There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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