Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
