oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
