He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
