hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
