she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Text me some of your sweat
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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