So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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