I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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