it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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