look no pants
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
