a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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