So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
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some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.