So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!