Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
