dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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