You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
