you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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