Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
