I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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