don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize