The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
