I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
