Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
sarcasm needs its own font
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
