I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
