so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So many bounce houses so little time
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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