??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
