Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
