Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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