Kiss
Puke
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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