he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
