I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
