he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize