I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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