do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
