I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
