I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
