I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
