I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
