He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
