You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
