every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
