I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
