Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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